The Goal-Setting Concept
If it makes you feel anything but excitement, then you're moving too fast.
A friend shared a post about 2025 goal-setting & it provoked several points I wish more people would make aside from the extremes, which are:
1 - Life’s purpose is to hit achievement after achievement; January is when the go-bell rings and the race begins; if you’re not making progress, you’re letting yourself and others down.
2 - Just stop. Stop pushing yourself; stop trying to be something you’re not right now; stop reporting your progress. Accept that this is a season of stagnation, because life has those. Accept how far you’ve come and do nothing.
Both of these extremes are not sustainable (obviously). In one, you’re basing your self-worth on achievement and external validation. The other is full of complacency and mediocracy.*
*These are what each approach turns into without the understanding that it is not fruitful to remain here (constant achievement or constant inaction) long-term.
So what is sustainable?
Are goals even worth pursuing? What if I genuinely feel burnt out, but I know I don’t necessarily need to drop everything I’ve done to get to this point? What does it look like to give myself space to just be, and continue growing? Is that even a thing?
I’ve always hated choosing one good thing over another good thing. Not sure if it’s been to my detriment or to my benefit, but it’s at least caused me to pause before making decisions and consider creative ways to have a little bit of both.
I am in the group of people who will tell you that even when you’re burnt out, you can still do right by yourself and others; you can still progress. But this is where “progress” will look starkly different for you compared to everyone else. Progress will be in the form of slower, smaller movements, rather than quantum leaping.
It’s important to recognize what kinds of goals you’re setting, and which are interest-based, responsibility-based, and shame-based.
Take this moment to make this into an exercise.
List every goal you’ve ever considered, including the ones you’re testing out now in this new year. Beside each one, tag one or more of these labels:
Interest
Responsibility
Shame
Only you know where each one falls for you. Once you’re done, take a look at how heavily your goals lean from one to the other.
Then, I encourage you to do the following:
Let it go.
You’re not ready to pursue it right now, and that’s okay.
Eventually, if it’s something that will benefit you, you’ll come around to the idea again and you’ll have the capacity to wrestle with it more. But the only way to get to that point is to first have the desire to become that person, then to give yourself what you need right now vs what’s required for you to achieve the big thing.
The reason shame-based goals exist is because you’re not clear on your why.
Your why is the driving force behind everything you do, even in how you care for yourself through burn-out. The goal that fills you with stress or inadequacy is not innately bad. Taking control of your health is not bad. Eating better is not bad. Shifting your lifestyle to promote a better attitude and optimal energy is not bad. Taking risks and failing big in order to learn more about yourself on a personal and professional level is not bad. Being more intentional with your relationships, offering more vulnerability, and being the initiator to higher-quality connection is not bad.
What turns these good goals sour is if your motivators reflect these desires:
To keep up; to be good enough; to be powerful; to get respect or admiration or attention; to be popular; to be known and remembered; to stay relevant.
These are motivators that are extrinsic and not intrinsic; they are fueled by external achievement and validation rather than internal desire. They are focusing on the gold star at the end rather than the stepping stones along the way.
Burn-out is always on the other side of this; embarking on a journey with the destination as your definition of “success”; the qualification of success and worthiness being dependent on others’ interpretation and acceptance of you.
You can do both, and not feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water.
That’s how you make your goals your own, and not of the kajillion lifestyle goals you see others doing on social media that make you feel like you’re falling behind or not good enough (Burn it!).
It’s been popularly promoted that seasons of rest and burnout should be spent completely submerging one’s self in solitude and self-gratifying activity. While it’s okay and necessary for small bursts of these in your life, the best way to become re-inspired or filled up is to put forth what little you are willing to give.
If all that is are small pauses in your day to take 3 deep breaths, then do that.
If it’s to offer a smile to the barista that prepares your coffee every morning, give that.
If it’s only to send a quick, “Hi, thinking of you. Hope all is well,” then send it.
If it’s to take a 5 minute walk rather than a whole one hour gym sesh, go for it.
No pressure for you to do more or give more of yourself than you’re willing. Articulate how far you’re willing to go (aka boundary), and go only that far.
But it is true, you get what you give. What you seek is what you’ll find.
You are not a burnt-out person, you’re just tired and need to slow the pace—not completely halt. That is how you stay consistent in seasons of burn-out and rest.
At this point, all shame-based goals are outta here. Ultimately, this list should make you excited.
When you go through each goal, think of one tiny daily task associated.
Then, bake it into your schedule.
If you’re like me, the only way I remember to do anything is by putting it on my calendar, or a create a Master List in my Notes app and pin it to the top. Use whatever way works best for you—a place you constantly return to on your phone or in your house to remind you, “Hey, you’ve got this new thing that’s really important to you. Take some time to make it happen, then you’ll be set for the rest of the day.”
What’s on your mind?
I’m curious how this exercise impacted you (or if it was confusing, unclear, frustrating, etc.). I want to create interactive posts that are only to your benefit—but to do so, I need to know if these are your jam.
Feedback is golden, and it’s the of the greatest resources for my own growth. If you have a chance, please fill this feedback form out with all the honesty :)
As always, I’m super happy you’re here! Hope this gave you some clarity and peace as we move onward into the new year. You are capable in so many ways.
I’ll see you in the next post! x